“Paul and I are forever!”
Crash! A few months later, the couple breaks up, to the shock of family and friends. They seemed so solid! And they looked so happy together!
Yet, when you take a closer look, it becomes clear that no couple is ever completely safe from a crack that will soon turn into a fracture.
Want proof? It’s simple: a single sentence or gesture can instantly destroy the trust that took so much effort, so many struggles, sometimes years, to build.
“I cheated on you.”
“I don’t love you anymore.”
“Get out, or I’ll hit you.”
That would do the trick, don’t you think? And no matter how strong or intimate the relationship is, the damage could be devastating.
And so, the once “forever” couple is shattered for good.
So, what can be done? Is there no way to protect ourselves from this?
Well… actually, there is!
I firmly believe that there are certain things no romantic relationship can survive without.
Are they enough? I don’t know. But are they necessary? Absolutely!
What are the pillars of a relationship?
First of all, it’s important to remember that not everyone is meant to “match” with just anyone. While it is accepted that a harmonious and lasting relationship can be built between two randomly chosen individuals (yes, really!), many today seek something more—what they call “the great adventure.”
A relationship? It’s a bit like the human body…
To begin with, there is the necessary foundation: physical attraction, humor, a shared language, mutual complicity, reciprocal curiosity, etc. These elements ensure that the initial spark is there, bringing together all the ingredients needed for the relationship to work.
Our feet are planted firmly, and the rest of the body can stand upright!
I hear a question from the back: “Is it possible to have more than just a foundation? Beyond cultural compatibility, could there be an ineffable yet real connection that pulls us toward each other, binding our souls in some way, even before anything has happened, giving us the feeling that we already know the other person?”
I’d be happy to answer:
“Yes! This feeling can arise when a mysterious force brings two people together. If you’re lucky enough to experience this, don’t let it slip away! This is what people call ‘soulmates’ or ‘cosmic couples.’ Don’t laugh! It’s an existential, mystical, and incredible force that makes each person in the couple truly take off.”
But beware! Even the most beautiful car will end up in a ditch if not driven properly! This special connection is neither necessary nor sufficient to build a strong relationship—it’s simply extraordinary… if you know how to nurture it.
Once the foundation is laid, a relationship needs a spine to withstand storms, swaying at times but never capsizing or sinking.
What is this spine made of?
It consists of the shared values between two people: trust, respect, esteem, consideration, admiration, complicity, solidarity, sincerity—whatever you choose to prioritize and mutually agree upon, either implicitly or explicitly.
These values are what will prevent you from saying the wrong word, making an inappropriate gesture, or committing an offensive act that you may immediately regret once the storm has passed—actions whose scars are difficult to erase!
(I’d add that these values should be at the heart of all human relationships if we want them to be healthy, meaningful, and lasting.)
Then comes the flesh, the muscles, the nerves—all that gives form to the body: the shared moments, lived experiences, common projects, joys, sorrows, travels, work, children—everything that constitutes the couple’s experience, its life, its embodiment, so to speak.
Without this, we have nothing but a skeleton standing upright—not a very pleasant sight.
What are the obstacles to love?
Finally, once this structure of bones and flesh is in place, what is missing to complete the picture?
Chemistry, alchemy, electricity, movement, flows, the energies that must be exchanged and reactivated—not just from time to time, but at every moment, in every shared experience.
But what exactly is it? And more importantly, how do we create it?
There is an energy capable of animating two beings, rooted in deep love, which, while close to romantic feelings, is also able to infuse the same electricity—the touch of magic and desire so crucial to a couple. Everyone should experience and nurture this energy within their relationship!
This energy merges heart and mind, gives intelligence to the heart and heart to the mind. It is a desire constantly renewed, continuously reawakened, driven by both impulse and intention.
How does it work?
To be active, certain conditions must be met. Or rather, obstacles must be removed, or else it will quickly fade away.
And you know what? The times we live in amplify these obstacles, forcing us to think deeply about how to overcome them.
Among the barriers that hinder this energy and the couple’s desire, we find, among others:
- Routine – repetition
- Lack of future – absence of projects, horizons, hope
- Lack of lightness – absence of spontaneity, fun, and playfulness
- Excessive focus on parenting
This list could go on, and every couple can recognize what is harming the quality of their relationship.
Getting to know each other, recognizing each other, identifying the unique ingredients that spark (and reignite) the magic daily—this is a fascinating journey to be undertaken as a couple!
Solutions can be found together, through a careful and intelligent analysis of each relationship’s uniqueness.
By acknowledging the obstacles and understanding them, we rethink our relationship, avoid pitfalls, and implement strategies that allow desire to flow again, bringing life back to the very core of the couple.
Of course, seeking external help can be beneficial, with a third party assisting in this analysis, but the most important thing is not to wait! As I mentioned earlier, the relationship must be “checked” at all times! This is the key to preventing things from becoming irreversible and ultimately deteriorating completely.
So, grab your pens and notebooks! A couple is something to be consciously built; it is not simply the result of luck or fate!
To nurture a strong relationship, remember: “Heart and mind, united…”
Don’t wait any longer—take control of your well-being, believe in healing, whatever form it may take, and give yourself the means to feel better. You deserve it, and you can achieve it.