” I cannot live without being in love; it is my reason for being. It makes me both joyful and sad at the same time—I don’t know why, but it’s an irrepressible need. In fact, I couldn’t do without it, to the point that I engage in multiple romantic relationships just to experience this feeling constantly, even if it means jeopardizing my relationship. In the end, I feel like I’m suffering from it, and I have absolutely no control over the situation—it’s as if I’m merely enduring it all.”
Clearly, the desperate pursuit of romantic feelings is not a quest for well-being; rather, it seems to stem from a repressed need desperately seeking fulfillment.
Let’s also admit that many of us have, at one time or another, been captivated by the feeling of being in love and everything that comes with it.
After all, what’s wrong with feeling good? What harm could there be in being “in love” with someone and having them be enamored with us in return? Isn’t romantic love just one variation of love itself? And why on earth must we always overanalyze everything? Let people love each other, for goodness’ sake!
What is emotional dependence?
Well, well! Let’s not get carried away! But let’s dare to speak frankly.
The perpetual quest for romantic feelings, which is relatively common, truly makes the person concerned a slave to their own need. In other words, if they cannot find an object that satisfies their desire, they are highly likely to become depressed, sad, or at the very least frustrated. The downside of this feeling, even when everything is going well, is that it is fleeting. In my opinion, there are only two ways to renew it: either by regularly changing partners, or by creating within the relationship the necessary and sufficient conditions for a constantly renewed flame to ignite romantic feelings. That is, a relationship that brings together absolutely all the conditions to last, renew itself, and generate romantic feelings.
Regarding this type of relationship, there’s no need to dwell on it, since it means that everything is going well within the couple! At worst, there will be phases where love alone sustains the relationship, with a temporary absence of romantic feelings—which, in the end, is not so serious (remember: love endures, romantic feelings fade and must constantly be renewed, if that is indeed the desired goal).
As for the other type of relationships, where the couple fails to create those romantic feelings and one seeks them elsewhere, difficulties inevitably arise. The relationship is put at risk, fleeting or superficial affairs multiply, patterns of meeting and relationship types repeat, and one’s own self-esteem or mental balance may be jeopardized. Think I’m exaggerating? Take a good look around you and observe the lifestyle of those perpetually chasing romantic feelings. It’s a dynamic of despair.
Why are we addicted to someone?
But what is this need that leads to emotional dependence? What is it that conditions my balance to such an extent that it drives me into this perpetual pursuit of the absolute, of desire, of sensations? What ultimately deprives me of my fundamental freedom of choice, action, and independence?
In the case studied, the romantic relationship allowed this young woman to be seen and admired in all her light. In the eyes of her beloved, she was no longer forgotten or worthless—she existed, she lived.
A difficult childhood marked by conflicts and parental disputes had instilled in the little girl the feeling of not being loved—that is, it had stripped her of her reason for being on this earth.
But that wasn’t all. Beyond the confusion of simply existing, experiences of separation, disunity, and depression had robbed her of her faith in life. To the question, “Why do I exist?” was added another: “What am I here for?”
Ultimately, this person carried within her two fundamental existential wounds: a childhood context that had given her neither reasons to exist nor reasons to be.
The metaphysical healing she underwent helped mend these two wounds, allowing her to make decisive choices that directly and lastingly transformed her relationship with herself and others, breaking free from the vicious cycle of emotional dependence.
Don’t wait any longer—take charge of your well-being, believe in healing, whatever form it may take, and give yourself the means to get better. You have the power to heal—claim it.